Noble Six and Seven's Unofficial Mission Logs
by twice the trouble
Summary: Four years before Reach, the Noble team we know was created. They lasted five months before command decided they were too close for their own good and separated them, only for them to be reunited in time for Reach. But, for Noble 6 and 7, five months is plenty of time to cause a little mischief like, for instance, pranking their teammates.


Hi, it's me again. This is the first part of a challenge my friend gave to me. I'm supposed to finish all of it before the end of the month but we'll see if that works out. At the rate I'm going I'm not so sure. This part was written a while ago but I took a few weeks to rewrite it so it's a lot better than before. The rest I haven't written at all so it's going to take a little longer. Though this is more of a funny little prequel so you get to know Noble Six and Seven before I start my serious one.

Hope you enjoy,

Trouble 1

ps. Do not own characters. I just gave them a bit of details.  
>~~~~~~~~<p>

_Hello and welcome to Noble 6 and 7's unofficial mission debriefing logs. If you're wondering how a mission log can be unofficial, it's more because these are not assigned missions. Instead this is, what you could call, self-appointed missions that we gave ourselves in order to relieve our boredom. There are many different mission accounts in this journal and I suggest starting from the very beginning, or as me and 7 like to call it, the __**Hell Week**__ Mission…for, what will eventually be, obvious reasons. ENJOY!_

_~Six_

Date: November 18, 2548

Operation: Hell Week

Operatives: Noble Six and Noble Seven

Day: 1

Target: Noble 1 aka Carter  
>-<p>

0600 hrs

It was the start to a beautiful day, even by this planet's standards. The sun never really set on the base which made it look no different than it did any other time of the day. But it didn't seem to bother Carter any; he had more pressing issues, like who put the plastic spider on his pillow and why there was pudding in his helmet. He didn't even like pudding.

He sighed, placing his new pudding cup back onto his desk as he heard the faint sound of teenage cackling run through the hallway. There was no doubt who was behind this, it was how they did it that worried him. He thought about pursuing them but then decided against it, instead he headed to the mess hall to get fed.

Now this was a slightly larger than normal base. It had at least twenty permanent residents and always a team or two visiting so a small cafeteria was kinda necessary. It was a lot better than living off MRE's and ration bars the entire week, which is what they usually had to do. But the best part of the mess hall was that they served coffee.

The coffee wasn't for his benefit but for the four, zombie-like subordinates he found at the end of the breakfast line.

"Morning," he said cheerfully, only getting two grunts in response. "Not morning people, I get it."

"Damn straight," Jorge muttered as he eyed the coffee pot at the front of the line.

The line was moving at a pretty good clip so it wasn't long before they got up there themselves. In fact he had just enough time to wonder where his two youngest Spartans were before it was his turn to get a tray.

"Good morning sir," a voice behind him said cheerfully.

He turned around to see Noble Six looking more too awake then he thought an sixteen year old should be at this time. She was a quirky kid, about five foot eight with her shoulder length brown hair pulled into a high ponytail that always seen to tend more towards the left. She had a habit of wearing these red wire glasses she used to need before the augmentation fixed her eyesight. Now they just had blank glass in them.

"Morning," he greeted, slightly suspicious. Six rarely went anywhere alone so where she was, Seven was sure to follow. "Where's Seven?"

"Right here!" he heard another voice say from somewhere behind him.

Before he could turn his pants were pulled around his ankles by Six's self-proclaimed twin, Seven. He watched in shock as the sassy Spartan danced out from behind him to join her 'sister'. She was an inch or two shorter than Six with her blond hair done up similarly except that it leaned towards the right. They stood there in their gray army fatigues with smirks on their faces.

"Have a nice day, Sir!" they chorused before disappearing out of the room, leaving Carter standing there in his boxers

"Are those…Care Bears sir?" Jun asked in the middle of pouring his coffee.

Carter's eyes went wide as he abandoned his tray in exchange for pulling his pants back up.

"That's confidential."

0630 hrs

After the Noble twins disappeared, Carter thought everything would go back to normal. He was wrong. Apparently the rest of his team had seen too much to let such things go so easily.

"Command should have never put those two in a squad," Carter complained to the rest of his team. "They're too young for this type of job, not to mention immature. The stunt they pulled today is just more proof. I'll admit that when it comes to skill, they're more than ready, but mentally? Not even close."

"Oh don't be such a Grumpy Bear," Emile commented, making Carter glare at him.

"I'm serious! All they've done since they joined this team is screw with us."

"That's not true. During missions they're pretty much the perfect little soldiers you'd expect out of the academy," Kat replied.

"Yeah, but as soon as those helmets are off they're back to borderline-insubordination. I guess that's what their last commander meant when he said that 'they're your problem now.'"

"Sounds like someone needs a bit more Cheer," Jun added, smirking into his coffee.

"Ok, very funny everyone. Haha, you are all such a hoot," Carter said sarcastically. "Can we please forget about my boxers right now?"

"But we care," Jorge said with a chuckle, finishing off his eighth cup of coffee.

"That's it. I'm going to take my shower now," he said as he stood up. "And tell those two knuckleheads that I don't want to be disturbed for anything short of a Covenant invasion."

"You got it boss," Jun replied with a short salute. "And I suggest switching your boxers to something without bears."

"Duly noted."

Carter picked up his tray and placed it on top the nearest trashcan. He nodded towards Chief on his way out as the green Spartan drank his orange juice through a straw slipped under his helmet.

Once Carter got to his room, he made it a point to check his shower for evidence of tampering. Not finding anything out of order, he continued with his daily routine and took his shower. Now Carter was, by no means, a slow shower taker. In fact he was usually in and out within five minutes. But that didn't help much when three minutes later there was a panicked shout outside his door.

"COVENANT ATTACK!"

Needless to say he was in the hallway with a rifle in his hands before you could say 'set up.' Why use a conspicuous term such as 'set up'? Maybe because once he was in the corridor and saw that there was no evidence of even a grunt, those were the words coursing through his head. Though there was sure to be a few more colorful language choices in there too once he realized Colonel Holand chose this particular moment to tour that particular hallway.

There was an awkward silence as Carter tried to figure out how to explain to his superior exactly why he was holding a rifle, nude in the hallway. Not finding anything that would make this remotely close to acceptable, he just saluted briefly before heading back inside.

"I wasn't aware that there was a shortage of clothing here, Noble 2," Holand muttered as Carter left the hall.

"Neither was I."

Carter came out of his room a few minutes later, fully clothed this time, to find that the Colonel had continued on with his tour. The only thing left in the hallway now was a blue rubber duck with a sign of around his neck labeled "GRUNT."

He glared at it angrily for a moment before kicking it down the hallway, making it squeak pitifully as it hit the far wall.

"No! Mr. Squeakers!" he heard someone explain from around the corner.

There was a bit of scuffling indicating that the owner of said voice left the premises. He didn't need to think very hard to figure out who that owner was.

"They're going to be the death of me, I just know it," he muttered as he went to find the commander and try to explain himself.  
>-<p>

0800 hrs

A half hour after the colonel had finished his tour, making sure there was a bold note on his tablet to send more spare uniforms to the base, Carter had assembled his team in order to confront his problem.

"Sir, why are we here?" Emile asked in a bored tone.

"Because there has been some devious pranks pulled today that I need to address," Carter explained.

"I meant why are the rest of us here? We all know who's responsible so why do you need us?"

"Witnesses, so I don't kill them," Carter said as the two Spartans in question looked worriedly at each other.

"Are you sure it's not to have witnesses so you _can _kill them?" Carter gave him a flat look. "I mean, no matter what _actually _happens I know that _I'll_ only see a Covenant, probably a grunt, sneak in and kill them with one of our weapons, then leave."

"You have an interesting point. But what would a grunt killing two of our team and getting out alive say about us?"

There was silence as the group thought about it.

"You're right," Emile said after a moment. "It should be a Stealth Elite, or a Zealot."

"Can we _not_ talk about killing us please?" Six pouted as she held the blue duck under her chin.

"Only if you behave," Carter said finally. "If not, I might take Emile's suggestion."

"We won't make any promises," Seven said with a smirk.

"Maybe we should," Six whispered to her. "I don't want to die."

"Anyways," Carter said, getting everyone back on subject. "I would like to know exactly who's idea it was to start pranking me today."

"And I'd like to know why Emile thinks a grunt would be enough to take us out."

"You're about the same height I figured it'd be fair."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT-"

"ENOUGH!" Carter shouted, making everyone stop short. "Tell me who's idea this was, now!"

"It was the ducky's sir," Six said, motioning towards the duck she was holding.

"A duck," he said dryly.

"Yes sir."

"A rubber duck is responsible for Seven pants-ing me and convincing someone to shout 'covenant attack' outside my door."

"Yes sir, I witnessed the whole thing."

"He can't even talk."

"But he can sir."

"He can talk"

"Yes sir."

"How do I not believe you."

"But it's true, he _can _talk," Six said before squeezing the duck to make it squeak. "I know, he doesn't trust us nearly enough."

SQUEAK!

"I agree, that was quite rude of him."

SQUEAK!

"Hey, what did you mean by that? Carter's a great leader."

SQUEAK!

"The fact he punted you down the hall has nothing to do with his intelligence. I'm sure he's very smart…"

"Uh, Six?" Seven leaned over, whispering not very quietly into her ear. "Have you been in my Mountain Dew stash again?"

"Ummmm….no?"

"I swear if I find even one drop missing-"

"Did you say Mountain Dew stash?" Carter asked suspiciously.

"NO!" The pair shouted.

"You better not be lying. You know the rules, no caffeine for you two, especially after the academy incident last month."

"That wasn't that-"

"When all was said and done, you blew a hole in the compound, ruined the shooting range, and almost ran over the general after deciding to joyride two warthogs under the influence of five red bulls. Each."

"I don't remember the general part," Six whispered to her partner.

"He was a dick anyways," Seven answered, getting a glare from Jun in the process.

"So that's why we weren't invited back!" he said.

"Yes, and why we aren't allowed near any other UNSC training facility," Carter said with a sigh.

"They should send them into a Covenant one. At least it would put these rampages to some good use."

"If they did, I might actually feel sorry for them," Jorge muttered to himself.

"Pranks. Answer. Want them." When there was only silence, he continued. "Fine. I'll punish both of you then. For your actions, you two are on latrine duty."

"Is that all you got?" Seven asked, rolling her eyes. "We had worse punishments at the academy."

"I wasn't finished." Carter gave her a pointed look. "You have to clean every bathroom in this whole compound until it sparkles. With nothing but a toothbrush."

"Yes sir," Six said before Seven could open her mouth. "Where do we get the toothbrushes sir?"

"I don't care, just find two and get to work." Carter turned to leave, almost missing Seven's response.

"Can we use _your _toothbrush?"

"No." He spun around to glair at them menacingly.

"But what if we can't find a toothbrush?"

"Use your own for all I care! But if you touch one bristle on mine you'll be on latrine duty for the rest of our stay here."

"Alright, we won't use your toothbrush. Possessive much?" Seven smirked at her commander, making him wary of what she was planning. "Come on Six, let's go find some toothbrushes that aren't Commander Carebear's…sorry, Commander _Carter's_."

"Or the rest of your team's," he somehow managed to grind out from behind clenched teeth.

"Or the rest of our teams."

"Or Master Chief's."

"Does he even _have _a toothbrush?"

"Seven…"

"Or Master Chief's possibly non-existent toothbrush."

"Dismissed."

They all saluted respectfully and went their separate ways as they unsuccessfully hid their snickers at his new nickname. The only two left in that particular corridor were Carter and Kat.

"Kat, the next time we have a wager, we're betting money," he told her with a sigh. "Not clothing choices."

"What? You don't like Carebears?" She smirked as Carter just blinked at her. "Maybe you shouldn't have lost then."  
>-<p>

1000 hrs

It had been a relatively quiet couple hours since he sent the girls to clean the toilets, well, quiet compared to that morning. Carter was currently catching up on paperwork in the mess hall while the rest of his team were off doing their own thing. Jun and Jorge were catching an early lunch before they had to go on patrol in an hour.

Carter was only half listening to the conversation the two were having over their meals. It was more like background noise for him, until he heard the two youngest Spartans being mentioned, which made him immediately tune in.

"You know, I'm not sure the commander thought through the Twin's punishment," Jorge pointed out as he took a sip of his drink.

"Why not? They hate cleaning toilets so I don't see what's wrong with it," Jun said back. "What else was he supposed to do? Take away their dessert privileges?"

"First of all, there's no dessert here. I've checked. Second, it's not the fact he's making them clean the bathrooms, it's more that they're doing so _together_."

"Oooh…good point."

Carter's eyes shot open as he accidentally snapped his pencil in half. How could he miss something so catastrophically important? Leaving those two together without supervision on a day where their pranking instincts were at its highest, that must be the worst decision he's made in his whole career.

Before Jun and Jorge could turn around to see the source of the snap, Carter was gone, leaving the broken pencil discarded on the table with his paperwork.

He ran through the halls towards the nearest bathroom, hoping to find the pair. Unfortunately, when he got there, it was empty. He saw nothing except the sparkle of a clean bathroom. No, that's not right. The room was sparkling was because those two idiots covered the place in a crap ton of glitter.

Carter darted out and towards the next restroom to find it almost untouched, though the toilet looked a bit strange. Upon further observation he saw that there was a piece of plastic wrap pulled tight over the top. And that damn blue duck sitting inside.

With a growl he went to the next bathroom, his bathroom, finding that the third time really _was _the charm when the girls jumped in surprise as the door slammed open.

"Commander, what are you doing here?" Six asked as Seven hid something behind her back.

"Hand it over Seven," he said, holding a hand out to the blond.

"Ok," Seven said, placing something into it.

"Not the toothbrush, Seven. I want whatever's behind you."

"The toilet paper?"

"What are you hiding behind your back soldier."

"But I'm not hiding anything sir," Six piped up.

"Not you!" Carter said before turning back to Seven. "Give it to me. Now."

"Fine."

She passed him a piece of paper that he quickly opened, skimming through the contents.

"You were going to do _what _to the toilets?"

"It was her idea!" they both shouted, pointing at each other.

"The two different handwritings on the page leaves me no doubt."

"Well, Six started it."

"Seven came up with the part about the plasma grenades, sir."

"I don't care who started it, I'm finishing it," he said. "Now both of you work on separate bathrooms and if I see another prank I'll lock the pair of you up in your room for the rest of the day. Is that understood?"

"What are you, our mother?" Seven mocked, earning a flat glare.

"Is. That. Understood!"

"Yes sir!" they said in unison.

"Six, you're assigned to the north wing and Seven, you're assigned to the south." The pair didn't move. "Well?"

"You're _really _going to do this aren't ya?" Seven said.

"Yes."

"BUT WHY?" Six exclaimed before clinging dramatically to her commander's arm.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US!" Seven joined in, hanging off his other side.

"I can, and I am," Carter said sharply, clearly not amused by their antics.

"WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO YOU?" Six demanded.

"What _haven't _you done to me?"

"Well, we didn't make your toilet explode," Seven said as her puppy dog eyes failed to persuade him.

"That's because I stopped you. Get to your posts!"

"Yes sir." They moped as the got to their feet and made their way into the hall.

"Don't worry Six. I got just the thing to get back at him," Seven whispered quietly to her partner in crime. "A little something I like to call Project Mike."

"Mike? Are you-"

"That better not be scheming I'm hearing."

Six and Seven glanced back at their commander before darting off to their own ways.  
>-<p>

1300hrs

Six was staring at the toilet in confusion, switching between looking at it and the toothbrush in her hands. Not having actually cleaned the other bathrooms, she obviously had no idea how she go about cleaning the thing. She had put it off as long as possible, dragging out her other duties until there was nothing left to do. Just when she was about to give in, she noticed Carter walking by, in the direction of the gun range. She assumed he was heading there to unwind after all the pranks, but she decided it was worth the risk and darted out in front of him.

"Commander Carter, sir?"

"Yes Six?" He visibly tensed as he eyed her suspiciously.

"Uh, I got a question sir."

"About what?"

"Cleaning the toilet."

"What's so confusing about that?"

"How am I supposed to clean it with a tooth brush?"

"The same way you clean with a toilet brush, except closer."

"But-" She was about to continue when the intercom suddenly sparked to life with a very familiar voice cleared its throat before speaking.

"_Attention base!" _Seven said into the mike using the manliest voice in her vocal arsenal._ "This is Commander Carter AKA Commander Carebear. I just want everyone to know that I absolutely love Carebears. They're my favorite cartoon characters. Followed closely by the My Little Ponies. If anyone is found insulting either of these in front of me I will knock them unconscious and decorate their uniforms with Grumpybear and Ranbowdash stickers. That is all—AH! Commander Care-ter, what are you doing here?_"

Six glanced over to where her commander had been standing to find his spot now vacant. She never even noticed he left.

"_Drop the mike Seven!_" Carter voice carried surprisingly well over the loud speaker, probably because it sounded as if he finally lost his cool.

"_As soon as you put down the letter opener._"

"_Seven."_

"_Carebear."_

"_Fine." _Carter said after a moment of tense silence before a metallic clatter could be heard. "_You win._"

"_Yay!" _Seven cheered as the mike thunked onto the table. "_I love winning! Hey Carebear, what do I win- oh shit, HE HAS A STAPLER!" _

Six couldn't move as the sound of panicked screams and flying staples filled the base. Especially since only half of it was through the intercoms.

"_HELP! MY COMMANDER IS TRYING TO KILL ME VIA OFFICE SUPPLIES! SOMEONE STOP HIM! ANYONE! SIX!"_

At the sound of her name, Six did nothing. In fact she didn't move at all until there was a loud crash and the speaker went dead.

"I should go save her," she said to herself, gaining weird looks from people walking by. "I really should, even if it means committing suicide by commander. But I _really _don't want to die. I'm too young! I guess I could find a closet to hide in and wait this whole thing out if I wanted to. But saving her would be the right thing to do. She's my teammate, I kinda have to."

There was silence for a moment as she thought through her options. It only took a few seconds, and hearing a faint scream from across the base, to make up her mind.

"Excuse me ma'am," Six called to a random person walking down the hall. "Do you know where the nearest closet is?"  
>-<p>

1330 hrs

Six was hulled up in the north wing's smaller broom closets for about twenty minutes before the door slammed open. Upon seeing a very pissed off Carter on the other side, Six promptly shrieked, knocking down a mop and several of its friends in the process. The commander glared at her while holding Noble Seven by the ear as she studied the staples imbedded in her clothing in a dazed fashion.

"Found you," he growled, grabbing a hold of Six's ear as well.

"OW! It wasn't me sir! I had nothing to do with it!" Six claimed as she was dragged out of the closet.

"That's not going to work."

"It's true, sir! I swear!"

"So you didn't know about that little announcement?"

"Well, I knew about it but I didn't think she'd actually _do _it! Especially without me as backup."

"Still don't believe you. You were in on this. Why else would you ask me how to clean a toilet?"

"Because there's no way in hell I was going to put my hand in that gross toilet bowl!...sir."

Carter didn't say a word as he started dragging the pair down the hall.

"Commander! You're going to pull my ear off!" Seven yelled.

"Don't care."

"But sir, that would be a lot of blood to clean up," Six pointed out.

"Don't care."

"I can feel my ear ripping!" Seven said.

"Don't care."

"Sir, think of the paperwork." Six reasoned.

"I don't care!" he finally snapped. Silence fell upon the group before six spoke up again.

"Sir, it takes less than ten pounds of pressure to rip off an ear."

Carter kicked open the door leading into Six and Seven's temporary barracks and threw the pair inside.

"You two are confined to quarters till further notice," he said furiously. "That means you are not to leave this room for anything other than extreme tactical emergencies."

"But sir, what if we have to use the restroom?"

"You should have thought of that before you pranked me," he said with a small smirk before slamming the door shut.

"Do you think we over did it?" Six asked once they were sure he was gone.

"Not yet."  
>-<p>

2100 hrs

The twins were sitting on stools in the kitchen, calmly eating frosting out of the container. How they found frosting in a base without a dessert menu, no one had quite figured out.

"That was fun," Seven said right before taking a bite of said treat.

"Yeah, but it cost us half a day of lockdown." Six refilled her own spoon. "Think of all the pranks we could have done in that time. We should spread them out better."

"True. We'll keep that in mind for tomorrow."

Silence followed as they enjoyed the frosting, until a crash was heard followed by swearing.

"Paint bucket?"

"Paint bucket."

The rip of a burlap sack soon followed accompanied by more swearing.

"Feathers?"

"Feathers."

A bottle cannon being launched rang through the base as more cursing was heard.

"Confetti cannon?"

"Confetti cannon."

"Two Spartans in trouble?"

"Two Spartans in-" the two cut off in surprise. They slowly turned around to see their superior officer standing behind them. They tried not to laugh at the sight of a pissed off Carter covered in blue paint, red feathers, and lots of confetti.

"Hi sir."

"You…" he said, seemingly having trouble finding the right words in his rage. "You rigged the paint bucket over my door."

"Blue is your armor color," Seven pointed out.

"Feathers in the hallway."

"It's tradition sir, tar and feathering," Six said.

"Confetti!"

"It matches the feathers so perfectly."

"You tried to set me on FIRE!"

"Well…wait what?" Six asked confused.

"You rigged a _flamethrower _to a tripwire outside the kitchen!"

"Uh, Six? Was that you?" Seven whispered.

"No, you?"

"Nope."

"…I think we've been framed."

"But who-"

Before they could continue speculating, Jun appeared behind Carter, chanting "shit" as he ran for the sink, his arm on fire and some trip wire hanging out of his pocket. The twins gawked as their colleague skidded to a stop in front of the sink and dowsed the flames in the dish water. The pair of them began stuttering and pointing towards Jun.

"What?" Carter demanded.

"JUN!"

The man in question disappeared from sight again right as Carter was turning around.

"What about him?" he asked as he turned back to the twins, only to find them taking advantage of his distraction and trying to sneak away. "You were trying to distract me, weren't you?"

"…No?" Seven said as she stopped moving.

"You two are in so much trouble you won't know what hit you!"

"Uh, six? Shall we run for our lives?"

"Yes, let's," Six answered civilly.

In a furry of movement Six chucked the frosting container at their commander and they darted out of the room. The contained ended up hitting him in the forehead and launching itself into the air before settling on top of his head like a small top hat.

Six peaked back around the corner, pulling out a small camera she had hidden on her person.

"Say cheese sir!" she said before snapping a picture. "It's for the scrapbook."

"Come on!" Seven grabbed her arm and dragged her down the hall before carter could shake his surprise, or realized what was on his head.

"Frosting? How the hell did you get frosting at a military base!" He shouted, tossing the carton to the ground before racing after them. "Get back here! I'm not finished with you!"

Carter's vast swearing vocabulary could be heard throughout the base for half the night. When he finally caught them, Six and Seven were lucky to make it out of it alive.


End file.
